This friend of mine…we go way back. In middle school, I was a tiny thing. Under 10th percentile height and weight. Now, my friend…let’s call him Joe, wasn’t all that much bigger. But he was fearless.

He saved me from a lot of bullying, and was a true and loyal friend to me. Has been ever since. He was and is a simply nice human being, one whom I’m honored to have in my life. We don’t talk all that deeply…he’s the kind of guy that doesn’t really tip his hand very much. But we’re close, as close as can be considering. And I’ve never doubted that he cares…he’s always shown it in his way.

Why are you hearing about this?

The rampant and persistent homophobia that he expresses.

I’m really torn on what to do, but I know that I’ve reached my breaking point with it all. I’ve been trying to interrupt his use of gay as insult, and make targeted reductions in the amount that I hear this stuff from him…but I know that I’ve done little to actually change his thinking. And every time I don’t say something, I feel a pang of guilt. For not standing up for my relationship, for hiding behind het privilege, for choosing to stay “safe” from the consequences when there are people who don’t have a choice about being safe

How does a guy with a boyfriend come out to one of his oldest and dearest friends who happens to be a homophobia?

If you know, tell me.