Good afternoon, folks.

Out at dinner the other night, a good friend was listening to what i was up to out at Yale, and the advocacy that I was planning on. After a little while, she chimes in. “But how you do feel about that?”

Which is to say, this is a question I hadn’t really thought about. I’ve theorized, quite possibly to death and back, the reaction of the dominant institution when under pressure from the subaltern. I’ve discussed what methods can be used to disrupt and upset hegomonic discourse in academia, and some of my experiments in doing so.

And, to be fair, I’ve blogged my immediate reaction to some of these events. But what I haven’t done is actually make and examination, or theoretical model to how this experience actually plays out.

Which is to further say, it kind of sucks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still excited about some of the possibilities for change within the school, and what I can do to be a part of that. But it’s been draining. I think some of y’all are feeling the same here off in the corners of the radical blogosphere. At Yale, the problem often comes down to the fact that this isn’t just about a job, it’s about vocation, purpose and meaning. I wonder if it’s really different out here…we care about this, deeply, and the fights go round after round, personal and intense.

But what i’ve been finding out is that it’s difficult to have any other kind of conversation. You get to the point where the curtains start falling, and you see the cultural transactions taking place, the violences, the priviledges… And it’s hard to talk to people who don’t. I talk about some of this at Yale, and folks look at me like I’ve just said that I’m hearing colors.

But I talk about it here, and we pick everything apart…

Don’t mind me. I’ll be figuring out the balance here.